Ego Speaking...

I went marking exam papers for a week not knowing a single thing or wanting to know a single detail about my cousin’s wedding which took place three days ago. I’m not into that so very culturally bound arrangements and all. I can barely stand the music or the sound of chatters because all of them are sound of other people’s downfall. I have to tell how irritating and annoying it could be sometimes when I have to wear the black collared shirt when I actually like the white one. But on that particular day, I choose a brown one, wanting to play neutral. Still my heart was not able to play the cards right. It was difficult. I ended up talking to a very minimal number of people and squeezed out all the grease out of the fries when I talk. I want not to be just like them people my father is related to. I hate the fact that these people are so very narrow minded and practically speak only words of abhorrence. Never have these so called aunt and uncle of mine have sat down and talked on intellectual substance which could push a point up of their IQ. I wonder what kind of satisfaction could these people get out of the blaming game…Then it arrived to me that only people who are miserable and not happy do the things they are doing. When they start complaining and push people down, they feel superior towards the others because they make other people look bad. Perhaps their ego takes a toll out of it. Like what Eckhart Tolle said, “Complaining is one of the ego’s favorite strategies for strengthening itself”. I sometimes think of a way to make these people realize of what an idiot they are but I have no say. The moment my brain starts processing a word or two, I am rude. It’s funny though. These are the people who send us and encourage us to do well and be enhanced in life but then they are the ones who also kind of repress us and want us to be like them. They love it when we join them in discussing the demise of certain people. Worse, they care not who they are. It could even be their own blood. As long as they have someone they could pick on.

The other day, two weeks ago to be precise, during Easter, my dad was in deep misery. Every year his siblings will come to celebrate the day and be merry but it was different this year. Due to some small quarrel they decided to boycott coming to the house. They even refuse talking to him like they used to. It took not a penny out my pocket but seeing him in such unhappiness took away my appetite to be merry. He’s 59 and all I want for him is to spend his days being happy. It’s hard for me to make all things happen because my dad is just like his other siblings. They think alike and the ego speaks louder than any sound the earth could produce. Superiority Complex of an Indian is way too complex. Pride and dignity is more important than anything you can ever think of. They rather lose all they have in life but they will feel like dying losing ‘water-face’. Some call themselves a true Christian cause they pray and go to church regularly when the hardest thing for them to do is forgiving (the essence of the religion).

For the time being, I am just going to be quiet. I just want to watch those fools playing on the field. One day, it will rain and they will fall too. At that time, they will be smudged in dirt or mud. When that day comes, I will still be quiet and just listen to them complaining and see who the victim is because they can never be wrong. Could it be the rain or the slippery path they took? One thing for sure, they will never change. They are who they are. I’m glad I made something out of my life and I’m able to be wrong when I’m right and be positive when I’m really negative. One thing for sure, I may look cheap but I’m actually rich.

As usual, I punched in the car key into its hole and turned the engine on. As I waited for the engine to get heated, I pull out a CD from the case and pushed on the button, hoping to hear Glen Hansrd's 'Falling Slowly'. Instead, Maddy's 'Four Minutes' secluded every inchh of my car... I pressed the next button till I settled with 'Lucky' by Mraz and Colby. I drove out of my porch belting out the words of the song and as I was approaching a junction after like four minutes I saw people crowding around. I slowed down and took a closer look and saw a man lying on the road. A 'banged' bike was there within a foot or two. My heart cried to stop and help but my feet kept stepping on the gas department wanting to leave as soon as possible. If I were to stop, I would've been late for work. I felt guilty but I made my choice of leaving the scene. Am I a bad person? Hard to tell but I do believe that it is all in the mind of each individual.

The semester has come to a near end. One more day to go before my so called children fly out this so called nest to find greener pasture. Im proud of what I have done this year and wish to continue my excellency for the coming year. I'm truly going to miss em' all but they gotta do what they gotta do... I have fed them with all the food they need and I hope and wish for their well being. Perhaps one day, I get to meet them somewhere and see them as someone who is a somebody. I can still remember the motto my friends and I created when we were in UPM which goes "We Come, We See, We Teach(touch)"... I can't tell on behalf of others of the meaning of it to them but to me it's something I hold on to. I'm not trying to win a Nobel or whatsoever though it maybe good to be recognized, but I'm just doing my best trying to mow the lawn well.

Adding to the teaching part... I was at the Chicken Rice shop the other day with a student of mine. He needed a getaway, so I took him out. As we were enjoying the food, I saw a fammiliar face passing by with an old lady. I dropped my fork and spoon and rushed to the door to get her. In front of 'Johnny's' she stood puzzled thinking of the food her heart desire when I poked on her shoulder and there we were exchanging our awe to have seen each other. 'Oh, My God' was the first thing she uttered...'How are you Ms.Vim?' was my first word... I was glad because all this while I have been wanting to meet her. My Form 5 English teacher. The best teacher a person could ever ask for. I would have regretted it for life if I do not say 'Hi' to her. I would say that she is one of the people who have placed me at the very place I am right now. Her stories and good advice have given me some sort inspiration at that very young age. To my surprise, she remembered me and all the clowns in class though it was like ten years ago. She used to call our class as the "House of the Setting Sun" cos we were a 'lil' passive. She even remembered the sketch we put together for the English Month of the year 1999... 'Wow!' I said when she started reading the lines of our sketch. well, she said it was one her best years and that she enjoyed our year.

Well, this picture is not exactly the picture of my Form 5 class but a picture of those golden years of mine when I was in school... Those were some of the moments and time I will always treasure...

Matter That Matters...

Last week my job took me to the land of ‘White Coffee’ in Perak. It wasn’t my first trip but this time I had a blast. Never knew the corner of my profession has so much steep path needed to be straightened. I was fascinated by the ideas put on tape by some of the lecturers from other matriculation colleges. It was so very refreshing and gave me some sort of ecstasy to get my feet on the dance floor. The comments they gave and the ideas they instilled in my brain cells are still twirling around my image saturated mind. The honesty and frankness of reality TV shows came attacking me for the first time. I was no David Cook or Archuleta but I was able to take them maturely and used them to improve my lesson. I am pretty sure that the next time they see my tape; I’m going to be on the top of my ball game. Of course all the praises and gratitude go to all who have given a thought on my work. Thanks may not be enough but for time being that is the only word I could think of.

Besides having my lesson plan scribbled to perfection, I had one of life’s most sincere conversations with some of the people I met. Witty, wacky, scholarly are just some words I would use to describe it. The topics we had our hands on were fantabulous and never have I felt so glad to have spoken on behalf of my head. I just got to be myself and let it go. Thanks to Megat and Jan Lyn for that few hours of so called coffee break. I will have them etched on my computer screen for as long as the pictures don’t get deleted from my system. I have to tell that the only regret I have is not to have said 'Hi' to Megat earlier when I got the chance like a year ago or so...but hey, never too late. Better late than never. Loved every moment we shared. The funny part is that we have just known each other for like a day or two but the connection we had or have is like we have known each other for like years....Thanks bro...

Alright, time to get back to work. Have to put some make-up on my lesson plan. Have to get it right this time cos' too much color may scare people and little too less may show the unwanted guests on our skin. Whatever the outcome, hoping for the best and may the end result be such a candy for all who view em'.

Here We Go Again.....

Just when I thought of having my fingers free from punching my keyboards from this wonderful world of on-line journals, a friend commented on how well I write and wanted me to share my ideas and thoughts with the world... So, here I go again with this newly created page for my beloved audience... This time, I'm calling it 'Donuts with Albert' because I think donuts need some recognition too. Enough with them coffee and tea. I think donuts too want to come out to the lime-light. They have served us well. They come in multi colors nowadays and they are of different flavors and can make one's life as sweet as it is. Of course everything that is too much can be bad, so, to know the limit and to play the right tune is the key to have a hit song that can reign the chart for weeks.